.

I was thinking to myself like why do I feel like writing on this thing is the wrong thing to do? As I think I've mentioned loads of times, it's not here so I can talk to people about myself, it's here as like a diary for myself, and maybe sub-consciously writing it where it is visible to someone if they decide to look makes me feel a tiny bit more like I'm letting it out. But the point is, since it's like a diary for myself, why am I started to feel like I do in day to day life about expressing how I feel?

In real life, I rarely talk about myself, and if I do it's never negative, it's just general like houses I've lived in, where my sister is traveling / whatever is relevant to the conversation. I don't talk generally much either though because I'm too scared of what everyone's thinking and how they're judging me. I know people could judge me on how I look, and that I just sit their in silence sometimes; but I'd rather have just those 2 things than people having more to judge, like what I say. People talk to me about their problems because they know I listen and know they can trust me. That's probably the only good thing I can say about myself without being scared I sound up myself. If I know I care about everyone and I know I don't tell other people what people tell me, that means they can trust me doesn't it?

Getting off the point again. I think the reason I'm uncomfortable with writing things on here is because I've stopped mattering to myself. I don't feel I matter to anyone, and I'm too scared that it's bad for me to think I matter, so now I don't matter to myself.