Still feel like shit.
My friend rang yesterday asking if I wanted to do something today and I said yeah sure, let's go to the cinema on Orange Wednesdays. She rang me this morning asking me to look up cinema times and stuff. I was sort of happy that I was seeing her, but also fed-up cause I really don't want to go out. I don't like people seeing me, being in public is humiliating.
For new years eve I was supposed to go somewhere with her, and she got invited to a party by someone who we both know cause she was talking to him at the time. Then she asked the guy to ask if I could come, but he said no because the person who's party it is said theres too many people. On the phone she just said, "oh yeah I asked Jack and he said the girl said no more people can come cause theres too many people, so, sorry about that". It really knocked me down though... I'm already convinced no one likes me, so when things like this happen, it just makes me even more sure.
Now I'm in an even shitter mood and really don't wanna go out. I just weighed myself too. I was scared because I'm never happy with it. Normally I end up hurting myself pretty badly, and last time it was particularly bad. So I did, and it happened again. I don't understand why I havn't lost any weight, I exercise more and eat less... When I was first anorexic, I lost about a stone really quickly from just cutting down on food a lot, then I put it all back on; and now it's IMPOSSIBLE to lose again. It is SO frustrating, it's getting me down so much.
Just saw someones facebook status that says, 'i feel so fat, eughhh christmas'- eesh, she has no idea what it's like to feel fat. She eats normally and has a lot of confidence. But still, she probably didn't mean it too heavily.
I just soo don't want to go out, far too worked up. Worst thing is that after weighing myself, I still ate... FFS.
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