I generally feel like I have no one... I've lost so many people because of social anxiety, and also havn't met many new close people. I have 2 best friends, one I reckon is slightly special, but she's not diagnosed with anything. She can't pick up on emotions and stuff, if I'm obviously depressed she won't realise, and she isn't good at advice either. And although she's 2 years older, she doesn't understand things... My other best friend is great, I'm so grateful that she's in my life. Most of the time when I'm with her, I forget about everything and I have a good time, I'm so glad we went to the same college. But if I tell her about a problem, she says she feel too pressured, like I'm suddenly her responsibility to make things right, and then she says she can't handle being friends with me, even though when I'm with her I seem really happy. It's hard seeing her so often and having to hide everything. I can't show my scars, I can't mention anything about not being comfortable in public or where we are, or in shops trying things on, I can't mention anything about my weight. I have to cover up such a huge part of me. But it's better that way than losing her.
I just wish I had someone to be my complete self around, I'm pretty depressed at the moment and I just want to go to a friends house and chill and watch movies. But I don't have the right type of friends to do that with...
I don't know anyone in my area with the same problems as me, I don't know anyone who self harms, but there must be... I look at peoples arms and stuff, and they're all so clear and stuff. I hope someone comes along though, I'd like to help them too :)
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