I'm writing posting too many posts today. Reasons to change.

I'm disgusting.

I'm fat, short and manly looking.

I have a weird face.

I have a scary face which always looks scared.

I have too much anxiety to have a life.

I pushed away my friends, I stopped seeing people, I find it too hard to make new friends.

I ruin everything.

Im thick, my concentration is shit and I care about all the wrong things.

I'm not myself. I used to be loud and outgoing with a lot of friends. Now i'm quiet, I don't have many friends and I hate going out.

I ruin conversations. People say something to me and what I say comes out weird and I say something weird.

I'm paranoid.

I'm awkward.

I have a manly voice and a horrible voice.

I am the most negative person I have ever met.

I think the worst of everything to make sure I never get let down.

I'm scared of everything.

I trust no one.

I'm scared of dying.

I'm scared of living.

I'm scared of people.

I think a lot.

I don't share my inner feelings with anyone.

I'm a different person than everyone thinks.

I don't say things just to agree with people, if I say something about feelings, I mean it.

I know i'm pathetic.

I know i'm lucky.

I know I have a great family.

I know that even though my parents are divorced, nothing has changed.

I'm lucky they still get on and i'm lucky I can see my dad whenever I want because he's only 20 minutes walking distance away.

I know I have a lovely home.

I know I go to a great college.

I know my mum is struggling with money, but still pays for me and my brothers music lessons and equipment because she knows how much it means to us.

But I also know I don't like my life.

Although I go to a great college, I hate every second of it.

I'm lucky for the things I have, and it could seem like i'm ungrateful. I'm not. I love my family and appreciate everything. I may even appreciate my family more than a lot of others because I know what it's like to find most days shit and to hate so many aspects of life. This makes me realise the good things I have in life.

But in this world, your family and your house isn't everything. 

People judge you. People judge things they don't understand. If you don't go out and see friends, people think you're weird. If you don't talk much, people judge you. If you're not like everyone else, people judge you. People judge you on what you look like.

And that's why I don't like most of my life. Because everyday I experience that. And because i'm me and because i'm weird, the judgements mean so much more.

I'm 16, I can't hide. I don't have the choice to hide. I have to go out in the world with all the thoughts I have, and I hate it.

I hate talking about it because it's just like i'm being pathetic. No one close to me has died. Nothing traumatic has happened. I'm disease-free. I'm not in poverty. - So i'm too scared to talk to people about it, because they will think i'm being pathetic. It's only my own thoughts, only my own mind, only my own brain. It's all just me on my own that makes me feel how I do.

I am Annie. And that is why I shut up.