11:45
I've got up and had a bath, I didn't do any exercise last night, I was so tired. That shouldn't have been an excuse though, I should have woken myself up and just done it. A big fuck you to me there. I haven't eaten yet, I'm gonna spend most of the time before we go out in my room. Do my hair, do my make-up, get dressed, spend some time on PrettyThin and do some exercise, and then it should be around leaving time. We're taking the dogs for a walk on the downs with my aunt and cousins, then coming back here for a late lunch. I think it casserole or something... I'll try eat all the vegetables in it and leave the meat. Something good about meals with family at this time of year is that they're not at normal times, so there probably won't be a 'lunch' and a 'dinner', they'll be one in between the two times then nibbles n shit later on or generally around the place. But often the meals that are had have more stuff in them and have more calories, but if you can resist the nibbles, it should be okay.
12:30
Don't worry I won't be posting this frequently, but i was just thinking, what happened when i start to lose a significant amount of weight? My family isn't going to just ignore it, they know I don't eat a lot, and if I lose weight, they will know I'm eating even less... My friends it will be okay, I'll just say yep lost weight... But maybe if I just wear baggy clothes around the house.
11:30
Blah I can hear a fox mating outside, it's so scary... :P Well I'm hoping it's that anyway, I remember before I knew what it was, I used to lye in bed shit-scared because I thought a woman was getting raped or killed or something, geeeez.
Anyway, I ate more today than I planned, but I could have eaten a lot more, I only ate the vegetables at dinner, but did have a few nibbly bits. I did exercise before the long walk, and I'm going to now, I feel like shite. I think my mum is gonna be home tomorrow, so I'll say I'm going to Guildford for a bit (hoping she isn't going there too and offers me a lift), but I'll just walk two towns down, which will take a fair amount of time, maybe 2 and a half hours, not sure. Will probably get the train back though. I'd want to walk back, but I think by that time my anxiety level would be too high from going past people and so many cars driving by... I'm scared my mum will drive past me or something, it probably won't happen, but yeah.
I'm gonna do exercise after I've written this, but I'm never sure how much it's working. I remember when I hadn't done huge amounts of exercise in a while, then a few weeks ago I did and I ached for days, it hurt to bend, sit, walk up and down stairs etc. I liked it though, I liked the thought that that pain was because I did a lot of exercise that I wasn't used to. But now that doesn't happen and I want that pain back... Also not sure whether I'm doing it right, I'll look up more Youtube videos or something.
12:30
Don't worry I won't be posting this frequently, but i was just thinking, what happened when i start to lose a significant amount of weight? My family isn't going to just ignore it, they know I don't eat a lot, and if I lose weight, they will know I'm eating even less... My friends it will be okay, I'll just say yep lost weight... But maybe if I just wear baggy clothes around the house.
11:30
Blah I can hear a fox mating outside, it's so scary... :P Well I'm hoping it's that anyway, I remember before I knew what it was, I used to lye in bed shit-scared because I thought a woman was getting raped or killed or something, geeeez.
Anyway, I ate more today than I planned, but I could have eaten a lot more, I only ate the vegetables at dinner, but did have a few nibbly bits. I did exercise before the long walk, and I'm going to now, I feel like shite. I think my mum is gonna be home tomorrow, so I'll say I'm going to Guildford for a bit (hoping she isn't going there too and offers me a lift), but I'll just walk two towns down, which will take a fair amount of time, maybe 2 and a half hours, not sure. Will probably get the train back though. I'd want to walk back, but I think by that time my anxiety level would be too high from going past people and so many cars driving by... I'm scared my mum will drive past me or something, it probably won't happen, but yeah.
I'm gonna do exercise after I've written this, but I'm never sure how much it's working. I remember when I hadn't done huge amounts of exercise in a while, then a few weeks ago I did and I ached for days, it hurt to bend, sit, walk up and down stairs etc. I liked it though, I liked the thought that that pain was because I did a lot of exercise that I wasn't used to. But now that doesn't happen and I want that pain back... Also not sure whether I'm doing it right, I'll look up more Youtube videos or something.
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