Baaaad day so far

17:45
Woke up today feel shit, had half a cheese string and a clementine.. then at like 3 I was home alone and thought 'hm, I could...' And so I did. I ate half a bag of crisps, half a bowl of shreddies and a cereal bar, and purged. It was the first time I've done it in about 3 months and I'm really hoping I don't do this again anytime soon. I think I just haven't had much time alone lately, and I don't do it when people are in. Blah gotta go, I'll finish this later.

21:50

So I got invited to my friends house, havn't seen her since the beginning of the summer and before then, it had been about a year. It was a catch up with 4 of us who all went to the same performing arts classes, we all stopped around the same time about 3 years ago. I used to see 2 of these girls almost every week, and in the summers and stuff and I was really close with them and the other people in the group we used to have. But I was still really nervous when I got there. I became more relaxed after a while though. It meant a lot to me that hey still want to invite me and think of me as part of the group after so long, a lot more than they'd realize. Then we went to tesco, got 3 garlic breads and pizza. The 3 garlic breads because 2 of them said they would have a whole one. So me and the other girl shared one. Then they cut the pizza in quarters, so its not like i could just take one smaller slice. But I had to take one to not be rude, then I had 3 bits of garlic bread. It was so annoying, they were like, 'oh come on we've had loads! Have more, have more! Are you anorexic or something?' Of course they were joking, but it's not funny, because I genuinely didn't want it and it would genuinely make me feel like complete shit for a long time. When I got home I was debating whether to, purge or not. I can't do it in the bathroom because there's too many people around and I might make sound. I have before done it in my room with some bags over my bin... I know it's disgusting, but with eating disorders, you get kinda desperate. I chose not to because most people in the house are upstairs.

Back onto earlier, did a bit of a shit thing. Me and my siblings all trust each other and that, but I stole alcohol from my sister today. I was worried about college, I was home alone, so went in her room to see if I could see anything strong. Poured some Jager in a cup and poured some vodka in a cup, now they're sitting in my room waiting to be drunk before college tomorrow. I'm too stressed out to sleep and my sleeping is fucked. Plus I have a mock exam tomorrow (fucking yay!), I should revise for that.