♫ People try to put us d-dowwn

I hate feeling like this. It starts off with not being able to breathe properly, then I feel panicking, then start to feel angry, then it just builds up and up where I can't stay still. I like rock and fidget cause I don't know what to do. Then I end up cutting, new place is the tops of my wrist, as in outside not inside, it can be covered up, but I can cut deep and hard without killing myself like on the other side. But yeah I do that, after a while I start to calm down a bit, then it turns to crying, I don't cry until after though. And yeah, hadn't in about a week, but it's been 2 nights in a row for me now.
Today, overslept, then the next train was canceled, I went home but then missed the one after that, then got the one after that. Decided I didn't want to be an hour late for philosophy so chose not to go to the other hour. Went into town for about an hour, got some laxatives, took like 10 or something so they'd start working when I got home. They did, I know they apparently don't do anything but whatever. It was SO embarassing, I was walking through the shopping center and walked past these stalls and took my phone out my pocket and 5 of the pills fell onto the floor, I turned around, looked, realised it was weird and I looked like I was gonna OD or something cause it wasn't obvious what they were, and walked off quick leaving them there :/ Was sooo bad...

I can't relax. I'm just so frustrated/nervous/angry all the time. I just want to live normally.