i feel dead and cant be fucked to do anything. i've tried but i'd prefer to just sit doing nothing.
do peoples problems actually matter, unless they're going to kill themselves? i care about people and if people are down, i dont want them to be. which is contradicting myself by whatever
if im feeling like i have been feeling, does it actually matter? - no.
does me feeling like this make a difference to anyone or anything, apart from myself? - no.
if i talk to someone, even if they dont say it, they'll be thinking 'shut the fuck up and stop feeling sorry for yourself'. i dont want to feel like this, i dont know why i do, i dont feel sorry for myself, but i dont understand myself. if nothings happened, why cant i just get over it?
the only thought thats in my head is whats the point in everything and why is everything happening?
i havn't cried much recently, i just felt dead.
i dont understand how if i can feel happy sometimes, then be like this within a few minutes. does that mean im just being pathetic?
i can think of times I've laughed and smiled talking to people recently, if i could laugh and smile at those times, why cant i at other times if there is nothing in particular stopping me from doing so?
it's with the same people aswell. they can talk to me, we can have a laugh one night, then the next night they come to talk to me and i just cant say anything.
im just confused. i am just being pathetic. but if i know i have no reasons, why cant i stop?
'yeah everyone feels down sometimes' - true.
'yeah most people don't like college though do they' - true.
why do i feel more deeply about those things? - i have no reason and no way to explain.
so that's why i don't matter.
i'd like nights like the night when this picture was taken back. i miss being able to have them <3
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