I don't want to go to college on Wednesday.

Technically it's tomorrow because its 3am (lala it's 3am and I, I'm standing here right outside your door). Anyway, enough of Busted.

When I say I don't want to go to college, I mean I really don't want to go to college. I've hardly been out this holiday. I saw friends 2 of 3 times, and 2 of those times was the same person and I only went to their house down the road to watch a film. I've just started to feel more relaxed because I havn't been around people. And now I have to go back again. College is like torture, I have to go. I have to be around a lot of people for that long everyday. I can't stand it, even just walked 10 meters from one door to another, every time I dread it because it goes past the main sitting area. Walking past people in hallways, sitting in classes, sitting at a computer, I can't stand any of it, it drives me crazy. It makes me panic so much. Sitting in the canteen with friends from my old school is the worst thing, it's so busy in there.

I can't really explain how deeply I feel about this. I'm really fucking scared. The waiting at stations, I get 2 trains, then before I get the 3rd train I have to wait on a crowded platform. It sounds like I'm over-reacting, but I can't explain the stress that puts me through.

There are so many things weird about my appearance. I'm really fat, I have a weird shaped face, and my expressions are weird and scary. I hate my expressions, but I can't help it. I have a weird smile as well, but my normal expression looks scared and scary. I know it and everyone else knows it.

I'm probably going to end up walking out of college on Wednesday, I do it so often when I'm over-stressed with being around people, I'm not ready to go back.