Thinspiration

This is bad, but I think I've found a new thinspiration. I can think of people but what people think of me is more of a thing that would motivate me. When I first developed and ED, me and my ex were very sexually active, so I always had that thought in my head like, he's gonna see this disgusting thing. That made me not eat. It was 2 things put together, 1 that he would see and I needed him to like what he saw, and 2 the amount of times he commented on my body and stuff, that made me like okay I need to keep it that way, I need to keep improving it so he can like it more. Last night made me think about it, I havn't sad sex in a year so I sort of forgot the feeling. But I'm just gonna think about that, if I get a boyfriend or get into situations like that, I need to be ready. I need them to like what they see.

Now I put the weight on and the situation has changed and I don't lose weight no matter what I eat :/ So I think I just need to exercise a lot more and just generally not eat at all. Maybe set myself 100 calories a day or something as opposed to eating like 300.